Amanda (dementedscreams) wrote,

care for all

Why is it that I keep wanting a relationship. Even when I don't want one at all it comes my way. It's always complicated. It ends up making me hurt and sad and frustrated. Why can't I shut my fucking emotions off? Why do I give a shit? Why do I want to be loved, understood, respected, adored. What's the fucking reason!? I feel like I am the only one getting hurt in the process but maybe that's because I can only feel what I feel and others are fucking retarded when it comes to sharing their feelings. Why is that? Why can't people express their feelings the way that I do. I never know whats going on in other people's heads. . . I don't know. . . they always say I don't know. Well fucking figure it out. There a gazillion words to choose from. Try some of them and if you're wrong, try some different words.

How do I get myself in fucked up situations? Why don't I see it coming? It's only when I perceive the situation as being fucked up in the first place that it doesn't hurt.

Lay there, just lay there oblivious to what is going on. Sleep soundly and enjoy your fucking weekend!!!
I'll just be here, waiting, pathetically, thinking about you and how sad I am.

I wiped my tears so that you couldn't see them. You asked to see them but I hid them. Who's hiding their feelings now. . . hypocrite. There needs to be another word for a person who is being a hypocrite but is totally aware that they are being so.

Time to up the meds. The real world has become too much to handle. All the stupid standards of what one is supposed to do. Go to school (for worthless degrees) go to work (to buy shit you don't really need but somehow brings you temporary happiness). Love only one, and deal with a broken heart again and again as you are going against human nature, the cultural says monogamy but biology say polyamor.

He's down there, and I am up here. Choosing to be miserable. I'm choosing this. Make your feelings different damnit!
You teach this shit!
Figure it out!
Embrace life. . . . . you can't make or force the future so grab what you have now and hug it and love it and appreciate it. Don't confuse it and belittle it and toy with it. Care for it and enjoy the care it gives to you.
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